steady feet

**i wrote this on saturday night and my internet was acting up at the time and mum wasn't going alright so i decided not to post it until now**

Saturday:
My great-grandmother died yesterday, a week before her 100th birthday ( i think). Omi. I never really knew her having only seen her a few times in my entire life when i happened to be in her country. A few days ago my grandparents put her into a home because she couldn't look after herself. My mama told me that when Oma (grandmother) when to see her. Her own mother didn't recognise her and had to ask who she was. To her own daughter. She never spoke to me unless it was through my grandparents. My brother and I were disgraces because we didn't live in Germany and we didn't even speak our mother's first language.
Mama was a disgrace as well because she married a Australian man in Omi's eyes. Harsh.Still she's family and I'm going to miss her.
Mama is leaving us for two weeks to go to her funeral and help sort out Omi's things. *cries* My grandma here, Nana wants to sell up her house and leave everyone in Sunraysia. She's going to live in Adelaide if she sells her house. Near one of my aunties whom my cousin said tried to kill her. When she told me she was covered in bruises.Dad wants to buy the house because he doesn't want anyone else to live there but in wanting to that he isn't being fair to the rest of us. He never listens to us. Ever. Its always do this do that. Pure black and white. No in-between. My family is fucked up in so many ways.

On a happier note: its been (on monday) eight months i've been with brad and they have been the best.



Lost til you're found
Swim til you drown
Know that we all fall down
Love til you hate
Jump til you break
Know that we all fall down

We got a call today from mama's uncle (my grandmothers brother) telling her not to bother coming home to Germany for the funeral because he is much too busy to have a funeral in December. She just paid for the tickets.
She was very upset :( I hugged her :(
They cremated her or 'burnt' my Omi today. R.I.P you will be missed.
I found out she was turnng 98 in a week. Not bad innings as mama said. Omi lived through two world wars. Respect.

Stop and Stare. Do you see what I see?

I suppose I'll write another time.

Regards,